Knots and Twitches

For awhile I have had this feeling and it's very uncomfortable.

I am anxious.

I worry.

I am slightly paranoid to say the least.

My stomach is in knots.

My eye wont stop twitching.

I am afraid of doing everything wrong.

I doubt myself a lot.

I am not as tall or as confident as I may come across.

I feel like I'm in limbo- and I am not good at that game- nor do I want to be a citizen there.

I care too much about this.

I care too little about that.

I feel as if I am on trial, facing numerous charges against others and especially myself.

I am a my accuser, my Judge, and my lawyer all in one.

One false move...

Execution... Off with her head!

I think I might be going crazy with all my worries.

My head is tired from my restless heart.

Jesus tells us not to worry about what we will eat, drink, or wear. He tells us not to store up treasures that moth and rust can destroy. But wait... what if I worry that I am not going to make it- that I wont make the cut- that I won't end global poverty in one fowl swoop- what if I never even finish school? What if never get to be a mother? What if always fail? What if I never fully recover?What if I never even get a chance?

I can sooth my soul with scripture about making united states poverty wages; I can sooth my soul about not being able to even afford curtains for my house; I can handle having gray hair at 25; I can handle lots of things.

But I can't handle this.

My worries are some of my hearts deepest desires.

And those are worth more than silver or gold.

Luke 12: 32-34

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.